skippy Posted July 20, 2016 Author Share Posted July 20, 2016 teacher says to the class. what do you find on top of a church steeple. little girl says a weather cock miss . and why is it called a weather cock. little boy says if there was a cunt up there the wind would blow through it miss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toolmaker123 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar: One complained to the other, "Boy, business really fuckin' sucks. If don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fucking ass!" Too late", as he noticed a beautiful blonde, sitting two stools away. Immediately, he offered apologies to her for his use of such bad language. "That's okay," the blonde replied, "I'm a stripper, and I have a very similar problem, If I don't sell more ass this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toolmaker123 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 A woman on a bus is suddenly overcome with the urge to breakwind. She tries to let go a little squeaker, but instead lets loose a loud,disgusting blast. The entire bus goes silent, and the embarrassed woman desperatelytries to think of something to say to the man sitting nextto her. “Um…do you have a transfer ticket?†she finallyasks. “No, I don’t, †he replies. “But when we pass thenext tree, I’ll try to grab you a handful of leaves.†Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toolmaker123 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 This is a joke for you to finish: Ole vas vorking at da fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers. He vent to da emergency room in the Clinik and vhen he got dar da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, "Let's have da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do." Ole said, "I haven't got da finkers." "Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he said, "Lordy!!! It's 2016 and Ive's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink da finkers?" What is your best guess as to the punchline? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toolmaker123 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 BTR has been riding motorcycles for more than 25 years and is finally sick of fixing 'em. He quits his job, buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets his groceries once a month. Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, BTR is just finishing his dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there's a big, bearded Vermonter standing there. "Name's Enoch...your neighbor from four miles over the ridge.. I's ahavin' a party Saturday night...thought you'd like to come." "Great," BTR says, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you." Just Enoch is leaving he stops. "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem after 25 years of Harley riding, I can drink with the best of em'." Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too." "Damn!", BTR thinks, "gonna be a tough crowd...really sounds like the Redwood Run." "Well," he says, "I get along real well with people. Still, I'll be there. Thanks again for inviting me." Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some really wild sex go on at these parties too." "Now that is definitely not a problem," says BTR excitedly, "Remember, I've been up here alone for six months. I'll definitely be there! By the way...what should I wear to the party?" Enoch turns and says, "Doesn't matter, just gonna be the two of us." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toolmaker123 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 I could point out that, to judge from the covers of countless women's magazines, the two topics most interesting to women are (1) Why men are all disgusting pigs, and (2) How to attract men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toolmaker123 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large bowl of delicious ruby red apples. The head nun had posted a note very near the apple bowl that said: "Take only ONE. Remember, God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A mischievous little boy had written his own note and placed it very near the cookie tray, "Take all you want. God is busy watching the apples." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toolmaker123 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Vampire finally got promoted at McDonald's. After 25 years on the job, he was finally promoted and is now a proud assistant manager. His boss, DonPianoAgain, gave him his first assignment in that he has to fire one of 2 workers, Jack & Jill. However, Both Jack & Jill are skilled workers and he is finding it really, really difficult to pick. So after their shifts, Jack goes home before Jill does, and assistant manager Vampire goes over to Jill just before she gets into her car. He informs her of his dilemma. "Hey Jill, I have a real problem." "Okay, little Vampy, what is it?" she playfully asks. "I can't decide whether to lay you or Jack off,................... what would you suggest?" "Well, you'd better get the Vaseline, I'm going home!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob1 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Zoya buys Lev a pussy Lev decides to lick the pussy Zoya shouts why are you licking the pussy cat? Lev replys ain't that what pussys are for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob1 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Paul was playing golf he thought he got a PAR but no it was a bogey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Boy: "I love you so much, I could never live without you." Girl: " Is that you or the beer talking?" Boy: " It's me talking to the beer." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Q: Why have there been less suicide bombings since Susan Boyle's rise to fame? A: Because terrorists didn't know what a Virgin looked like! Sorry Subo lol Lisa and Max 2017 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob1 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Boy says to his friend hey guess what Friend what? Boy I just lost my virginity Friend to who? Boy Virgin Media Friend that's not how you lose your virginity Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 A blonde goes to the library to get a book. A few days later, she goes back and says to the librarian at the counter, " This book was very boring. it had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it." The librarian says to her coworkers, "So here's the person who took our phone book!" delta10, Max 2017 and Lisa 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 One day little Johnny was walking up a hill with his red wagon behind him saying, "Fuck this, " Fuck that." The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says, "You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us." "Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny. " Yes," says the priest. "Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny. " Yes says the priest." "Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny. "Yes," says the priest." "Well tell him to get the Fuck out and Push!!!" Max 2017 and Lisa 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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