toolmaker123 Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 One day, a class of third graders from the city was taking a field trip to the country to visit a small farm. The kids were amazed to see all the different kinds of animals on the farm. So, the farmer asks one little girl, "What's the difference between a rooster and a hen?" "The hen lays eggs," replies the little girl. "Very good," says the farmer. Then the farmer asks another little girl, "What's the difference between a duck and a turkey?" "Well," replies the little girl. "Turkeys can't swim and turkeys are what we have on Thanksgiving Day." "Very good," exclaimed the farmer. Then he asks little Johnny, "Do you know the difference between a bull and a cow?" "Yes, I do," replies little Johnny from the city. "The bulls smile when you milk them." skippy and Blaster 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toolmaker123 Posted June 9, 2016 Share Posted June 9, 2016 blaster and Vampire are burning a doobie down at the dock when blaster says, "Dude,..look at all that water" Vampire replies "Duuuuude,...that's just the top of it!" skippy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 YA fergot the string how do you know lol have you made some before Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy Posted June 9, 2016 Author Share Posted June 9, 2016 teacher says to her class we are going to learn words from the alphabet . who can give me a word beginning with a little alfie stands up and says arse ole miss no dont be stupid alfie sue stans up and says apple miss very good sue now i want a word beginning with b little alfie stands up and says bollocks miss ..stop being such a rude boy alfie sue stands up again and says balloon miss well done sue . now give me a word beginning with c alfie stand up again and says cunt miss its got to cunt. she takes no notice of hi msue says college miss very good sue now a word beginning with d i know miss i know please let me tel you a word beginning with d she thinks for a moment .there cant be any bad things beginning with d.ok alfie give me a word beginning with d .alfie stands up and replied a dwarf miss with a big prick an hairy bollocks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toolmaker123 Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 how do you know lol have you made some before Pulled quite a few in my day; with my teeth, as well as by hand skippy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toolmaker123 Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 MOBY DICK IS NOT A SOCIAL DISEASE; and neither is Grape Nuts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toolmaker123 Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 teacher says to her class we are going to learn words from the alphabet . who can give me a word beginning with a little alfie stands up and says arse ole miss no dont be stupid alfie sue stans up and says apple miss very good sue now i want a word beginning with b little alfie stands up and says bollocks miss ..stop being such a rude boy alfie sue stands up again and says balloon miss well done sue . now give me a word beginning with c alfie stand up again and says cunt miss its got to cunt. she takes no notice of hi msue says college miss very good sue now a word beginning with d i know miss i know please let me tel you a word beginning with d she thinks for a moment .there cant be any bad things beginning with d.ok alfie give me a word beginning with d .alfie stands up and replied a dwarf miss with a big prick an hairy bollocks Punctuationhelpsusbeabletounderstandthejokebetter whenitallrunstogetheritishardtounderstand understand?? skippy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toolmaker123 Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 There once was a maiden named Myrtle Who amused herself with a turtle And what was phenomenal The swelling abdominal Revealed that the turtle was fertile Scotsman84 and skippy 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy Posted June 10, 2016 Author Share Posted June 10, 2016 Punctuationhelpsusbeabletounderstandthejokebetter whenitallrunstogetheritishardtounderstand understand? ? spent all my school life away from school. and most my adult life in her Majestys school lol so never got to learn where all the dots went and i am a bit to old to learn now so sorry if dots in wrong places or not there at all feel free to take any of these lol ...........................................,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Scotsman84 and toolmaker123 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted June 10, 2016 Share Posted June 10, 2016 Need a laugh when Rlc is dead just look for something that Bobz has posted lol box_hunter, Rob1, Blaster and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pleasant Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 A guy goes to the doctor and waits for a receptionist. "Can i see a doctor please?" he asks. "Yes. What's the problem?" "It's a bit personal to be honest. Do i have to say?" "Well, i have to get an idea in case it's an emergency or just routine" "It's my dick" he continues. The receptionist looks shocked. "Sir, please, we have people who can hear you. Do you mind not using that kind of language?" "But you asked" "I'm sorry, i can't let you talk like that here". With that, he goes outside. A minute later, he returns. "Can i see a doctor please?" "Yes, what's the problem?" "It's my ear" "Ok. And what's wrong with your ear?" "I can't piss out of it". skippy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blaster Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 There was a couple who were married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildo. She gets completely upset, and screams, "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain yourself!" The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, "I'll explain the dildo if you can explain our three kids." skippy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blaster Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 This one is for Leora... One day this guy comes to work at a sex toy shop. His boss leaves for the day and puts him in charge of the shop. About an hour later a black haired lady comes in and asks "How much for your black dildos?" The guy says "30 bucks" "And how much for your white dildos?" asks the lady. Again the man says "30 bucks for the black and 30 bucks for the white" So she takes the black one and leaves. A while later a brunette comes in to the store and asks "How much for your white dildos?" The man responds "30 bucks" She asks "And how much for your black dildos?" "30 bucks for the white and 30 bucks for the black" replies the man. So she takes the white one leaves. About an hour later a Leora walks through the door and asks "How much are your dildos?" The guys says "All our dildos are 30 bucks" Then she looks up behind the man on a shelf and ask "How much for that green one?" The man responds "Oh, that one is special. That will cost you $250" The Leora agrees and takes it. Later that day the boss come back and asks "So what did you sell today?" The man says "I sold a black dildo, a white dildo , and a 2-liter of mountain dew for $250!" skippy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StnCld316 Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says. "President Bush," his boss quickly retorts. "Yep," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so they'll let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward St. Peter's. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss's side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba? skippy and toolmaker123 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blaster Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ....and she's always sound asleep." skippy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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