A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 in the seatbelt competition.

"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.

"Well I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered.

"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."

At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is very large, it's throat is very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible.

The little girl said, "When I go to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

One day there was a little boy in church.

He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, "Mommy, I have to piss."

The mother said, "Son don't say piss in church. Next time to have to piss say, 'whisper' because it is more polite."

The next Sunday, the little boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.

He told his father, "Daddy I have to whisper."

The father said, "Ok. Here, whisper in my ear."

A survey showed that more women would vote if polling stations opened later and at more convenient places.

Also, more women would take part if they could bake their vote.

@Alittle

43 minutes ago, Scotsman84 said:

They talk to me ... I would be watching them for hours ... LOL

On 4/17/2018 at 12:07 AM, Scotsman84 said:

Typical Scotsman haha