On 9/20/2019 at 1:54 PM, Shadow V said:

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.

 

Why did dinosaurs have sex under water?

You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!

 

Why did the gay man think his lover was cheating on him?

He came home shit faced.

 

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?

When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

 

Why don't little girls fart?

Because they don't get assholes until they're married.

 

Not all assholes thank you very much .

In a bid to guarantee a black Oscar winner the Academy has created a new award: Lead Actor in a Crime Documentary.

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore and takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to lodge a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks" What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies "It's Frank, the dwarf".

A lady goes for her first golf lesson. The pro says, "You've got to hold the club like you do your husband's organ." She takes the club and hits the ball. He says, "Beautiful. Perfect shot. Right down the fairway. Now, take the club out of your mouth, put it in your hands, and we'll go for distance." 

Top 10 things that sound dirty at the office but aren't.

10. I need to whip it out by 5.

9. Mind if I use your laptop?

8. Just stick it in my box.

7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!

6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!

5. Hmmmmm I think it's out of fluid!

4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.

3. It's an entry-level position.

2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?

And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in the office but isn't.....

1. It's not fair.... I do all the work while he just sits there.