mikeusa

Addict Girlfriend My girlfriend loves to eat chocolate. She's always eating chocolate, and she likes to joke she's got a chocolate addiction... So, I put her in a car and I drove her downtown, and I pointed out a crack addict, and I said, 'Do you see that, honey? Why can't you be that skinny?'

Erectile Dysfunction Any man that's ever been in that position, like for some reason you can't function; it's kind of like trying to put a marshmallow in a coin slot.

Little Johnny... Peanut Little Johnny comes home one day and says, "Mom! Little Mark next door has a penis like a peanut!" "What do you mean, Johnny? Is it shaped like a peanut?" "No," says Johnny. "It's salty."

please welcome neia to the apartment lets keep the comment positive and lets respect other members comments thank you

The Only Thing I Like About Camping The only thing I liked about camping was the fact that you can be drunk and have dirty feet, and you still had a pretty good chance of hooking up. That's a good vacation.

Airplane Hijinx Two women, one from the north and one from the south, are seated next to one another on a plane. "Where you flyin' to?" says the southern woman. The northern woman turns up her nose. "Don't you know you should NEVER end a sentence with a preposition?" The southern woman thinks about this for a second. "Where you flyin' to, bitch?"

Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"

thank you nita for being here I enjoy your lovely body and your beauty

In the First 12 Seconds I just read about this study that says that, apparently, when women go on dates, they decide if they're going to sleep with the guy or not in the first 12 seconds. Seems wrong to me, you know. How are these women getting drunk so fast?

A woman wearing a strapless gown and sporting a necklace with an airplane on it spotted a young man staring at her. She asked him, "Were you admiring my airplane?" He replied, "No, I was admiring the landing field."

After 69 Q: What comes after 69? A: Mouthwash

Little Johnny... Name That Animal Little Johnny's first grade class was playing "Name That Animal." The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?" "A cat!" said Suzy. "Good job. Now, what's this animal?" "A dog!" said Ricky. "Good. Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad." "I know!" called out Little Johnny. "A horny bastard!"

happy to see that nita did not want any part of what was going on good for nita

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President's Day My nephew's school was celebrating President's Day. He comes and he tells me, 'My little black friend's going to wear an Obama shirt, my little white friend's going to wear a Kennedy shirt and since I'm Latino I don't know what shirt to wear.' So I made him a shirt that said: Coming Soon.

Weird Being Single I'm single now. And it's really weird for me to be dating again because, for the last three years, I've just been cheating.

Adding Blonde Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator? A: She couldn't find the 10 key

Little Johnny... Definite Definition The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?" Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!" The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence? Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue." "That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white." Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too." Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?" The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?" Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely shit my pants."

she still a lovely redhead don't care if she boring

Nothing But Dial You've been married to the women for 20 years. She don't use nothing but Dial soap. Her mama uses Dial soap. All seven of her sisters use Dial soap in their seven respective homes. You can go through purse, pocketbook, and find Dial coupons any given time of the day or night. Damn you if you come home smelling like Zest!

Fondest Childhood Memory My fondest childhood memory is I made out with my babysitter, Cathy. She stops in the middle of everything: 'We have to stop this. I feel like such a whore.' 'Why? I'm not paying you -- my parents are! Come here!'