King Hamlet

Late in the night he regained consciousness.
He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him, He realized he'd obviously be in a serious accident.
She gave him a deep look straight into his eyes, and her heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"
 
That, my friends, is a positive attitude!

A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries. "Sounds great," said the health -conscious boy. He ordered some. He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container.

"Wait a minute," the boy said. "Those don't look fat-free."
"Sure they are", the cook said. "We charge only for the potatoes. The fat is free!"

A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can’t find the rake. He yells up to his wife, “Where is the rake?”
She can’t hear him and shouts back, “What?”
The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion.
The wife is not sure and says, “What?”
The man repeats his gestures, mouthing “EYE KNEE – THE RAKE.”
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one.
Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her, “What in the heck was that?”
She replies, “EYE – LEFT TIT – BEHIND – THE BUSH”

As long as the girls apartments are on RLC it won't change and the same people moaning, complaining, guessing, thinking they know what is happening will keep taking over.
Most of the chat is pretty sad and some have REAL problems.

Personally I think some of you should stop picking on the girls and being negative all the time. You might pay to watch them but doesn't give you the right to be nasty.

Personally I think some of you should stop picking on the girls and being negative all the time. You might pay to watch them but doesn't give you the right to be nasty.

His look bigger than hers lol 

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock-market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.
"Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weeny member about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen. "Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?" "Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.
"Well," she says. "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow..."
" No problem, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples re-join their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any good?" "I hate to say it, says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache. All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

So was that you driving? If so you only get the points for a near miss! lol