Q: What is the difference between "accident and "tragedy"?

A: Suppose you are with the family by the pool. You suddenly push your

mother-in-law into the pool so it's an accident. If she could swim and gets

out, in that case, it's a tragedy!

There are two essential rules to management.

First, the customer is always right. Second, the need to be punished for their arrogance.

 

 

A guy gets back to his house very late at night. He is carrying a Duck under his arm. Opening the door, his wife is standing there, furious.

"And where have you been?" She says, tapping her watch.

"This is the Cow i've been sleeping with".

"That's a Duck you idiot" she tells him.

The guy looks at his wife and says "I wasn't talking to you".

We went to see a movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the centre of the row got up and started working her way out.

"Excuse me, sorry, ooops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, ooops, excuse me."

By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was little impatient, so I said, "Couldn't you have done this little earlier?"

"No!" she said in a loud whisper. "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE' message just flashed up on the screen and mine is in the car."

I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me." 

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.

Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

I said, "$100 and it's yours."

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

A husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3am she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.

" Do you realise what time it is? " she asked.

He answered, " Don't get excited. I'm late because I bought something for the house."

Immediately her attitude changed, and she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, dear? "

His answer was, " A round of drinks! "