Danny Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 Q: What is the difference between "accident and "tragedy"? A: Suppose you are with the family by the pool. You suddenly push your mother-in-law into the pool so it's an accident. If she could swim and gets out, in that case, it's a tragedy! Shadow V, StnCld316, Shaggy and 8 others 10 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danny Posted March 23, 2018 Share Posted March 23, 2018 There are two essential rules to management. First, the customer is always right. Second, the need to be punished for their arrogance. StnCld316, Zander, Chucky and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted March 27, 2018 Share Posted March 27, 2018 Create an account to see this content! Sketch, Zander, Danny and 8 others 10 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted March 27, 2018 Share Posted March 27, 2018 Create an account to see this content! King Hamlet, Sketch, Zander and 7 others 7 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted March 27, 2018 Share Posted March 27, 2018 Create an account to see this content! Shadow V, Bandit, Dave and 7 others 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pleasant Posted March 30, 2018 Share Posted March 30, 2018 A guy gets back to his house very late at night. He is carrying a Duck under his arm. Opening the door, his wife is standing there, furious. "And where have you been?" She says, tapping her watch. "This is the Cow i've been sleeping with". "That's a Duck you idiot" she tells him. The guy looks at his wife and says "I wasn't talking to you". Danny, King Hamlet, Max 2017 and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaggy Posted March 31, 2018 Share Posted March 31, 2018 We went to see a movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the centre of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, ooops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, ooops, excuse me." By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was little impatient, so I said, "Couldn't you have done this little earlier?" "No!" she said in a loud whisper. "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE' message just flashed up on the screen and mine is in the car." King Hamlet, Zander, One Eyed Willie and 7 others 9 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaggy Posted March 31, 2018 Share Posted March 31, 2018 I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me." So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!" I said, "$100 and it's yours." Chucky, Scotsman84, Danny and 1 other 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaggy Posted March 31, 2018 Share Posted March 31, 2018 A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" Danny, Scotsman84, Chucky and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 A husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3am she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs. " Do you realise what time it is? " she asked. He answered, " Don't get excited. I'm late because I bought something for the house." Immediately her attitude changed, and she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, dear? " His answer was, " A round of drinks! " Sketch, Shadow V, Zander and 4 others 6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted April 1, 2018 Share Posted April 1, 2018 Create an account to see this content! Danny, Sketch, Shadow V and 4 others 4 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted April 3, 2018 Share Posted April 3, 2018 Create an account to see this content! Danny, Chucky, Max 2017 and 3 others 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted April 3, 2018 Share Posted April 3, 2018 Create an account to see this content! Sketch, Shadow V, Shaggy and 5 others 7 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted April 4, 2018 Share Posted April 4, 2018 Create an account to see this content! Zander, Chucky, King Hamlet and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted April 4, 2018 Share Posted April 4, 2018 Create an account to see this content! Shaggy, Sketch, Danny and 1 other 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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