Scotsman84 Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 Create an account to see this content! delta10, DIRTYHARRY, Scorpio 22 and 5 others 2 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
box_hunter Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 The value of a Good Vocabulary: I called an old mate and asked what he was doing. He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment". I was very impressed. Upon further inquiry, I learned he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision. WhySoSerious?, Scorpio 22, Johnny and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
box_hunter Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 A man and his wife were awakened at 3am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance" says the husband "it is 3 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push" he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's well pouring with rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! "God loves drunk people too you know". The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes" comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing" replied the drunk. One Eyed Willie, Bandit, delta10 and 4 others 5 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
box_hunter Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again! The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10 This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE The bishop was buried the next day. WhySoSerious?, Johnny, delta10 and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
box_hunter Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 The Hell's Angels bikers were riding through London when they saw a girl about to jump off tower bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the police officer who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says "Hey Baby... what you doin' up there on that railin'?" She says tearfully "I'm going to commit suicide!!" While he didn't want to appear 'sensitive' George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked "Well, before you jump... why don't you give 'ole George here your best last kiss?" So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one. After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the police officer. "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, that's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Tits. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing like a girl". It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed. One Eyed Willie, Bandit, Johnny and 3 others 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 Create an account to see this content! WhySoSerious?, Johnny and RUBBERMAN 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 Create an account to see this content! delta10, Johnny, One Eyed Willie and 5 others 5 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RUBBERMAN Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Create an account to see this content! WhySoSerious?, Flume, Scotsman84 and 3 others 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RUBBERMAN Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Create an account to see this content! WhySoSerious?, Scorpio 22, delta10 and 2 others 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RUBBERMAN Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Create an account to see this content! Scotsman84, delta10, Scorpio 22 and 5 others 2 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhySoSerious? Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 A woman turns to her husband on their silver wedding anniversary and says, "Darling, will you still love me when my hair turns grey?" Her husband replies, "Why not? I stuck with you through the other six shades." Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride groom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk." The groom broom says, "How can that be possible? We haven't even swept together!" Scorpio 22, Scotsman84 and RUBBERMAN 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhySoSerious? Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Three men walk into a bar. The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever." The first man goes in and comes out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there." So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour. Finally, the third man goes down. When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it. He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!" Scorpio 22, Bandit, Scotsman84 and 3 others 2 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 Create an account to see this content! Zander, WhySoSerious?, Wazzer and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 Create an account to see this content! RUBBERMAN, WhySoSerious? and StnCld316 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 Create an account to see this content! RUBBERMAN, Wazzer, WhySoSerious? and 6 others 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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