@Scotsman84 love or hate you always find some funny stuff. 

2 hours ago, Alittle said:

Looks fundie! Ha ha 

Good you have a laugh about it. They do look fundie 

I'm single by choice.

 

When i ask a woman out, she chooses to say 'No'.

A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, lets take another example," she said.

"If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"

Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"

Late in the night John regained consciousness.

He found himself in agonizing pain the hospitals ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.

He realised he'd obviously been in a serious accident.

She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."

Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"

 

That, my friends, is a positive attitude!

Not really a joke, as it actually happened, but i love this quick story.

A session drummer, back in the 60s, was working with a producer who was very particular to detail, and therefore annoyed everyone. At one session,  he frustratingly asked him "I want the sound of a waterfall".

The drummer replied "Well, i could piss on my cymbals".

Two gay men, Paul and Tom, were making love one night and had just finished when Paul decided he was going to freshen up in the shower. Tom was laying there thinking about how wonderful Paul was, when he decided he was going to join him in the shower.

When Tom got into the bathroom, he opened up the shower curtain and the first thing he saw was a large cumshot on the wall. He wailed to Paul, "I can't believe you! We just finished making love and you come in here and jack-off!"

Paul looks at the wall and says, "What are you talking about? I wasn't jacking-off, I farted!"

 

Saul and Mose had shared a proprietorship for 40 years, when one day Saul had a heart attack at the office. Saul survived, but once back on his feet, he decided it was time to retire, and end the proprietorship. Later, while the two of them were clearing out the office, Mose found an odd looking key in Saul's top desk drawer. Mose held up the key and asked, "Hey Saul, what's with the strange key?" Saul flitted his eyes away from Mose and replied, "Oh, it's nothing really, it's just, ah, for a thing, you know." Mose was surprised at Saul's avoidance response, so he touched Saul on the shoulder, looked him in the face, grimaced, and said, "Saul! Forty years working closely together, and on the last day I find an apparent secret key in your office desk. Now I'm worried! What happened to trust?" Saul looked down, then back into Mose's eyes and said, "OK, we share everything, so, it's the key to my wife's chastity belt." Mose looked flabbergasted and said, "What! For Miriam? No offence, but what makes you think that you need extra protection for Miriam, I mean she is sweet and everything... Saul, I wasn't born yesterday!" Saul replied, "I know, I know, it doesn't seem to make sense. But the fact is that it's really more about me than Miriam. Ever since I started getting low blood pressure, I haven't been able to, well, perform, and it actually hurts my ego if a request comes up." Mose looked puzzled and says, "OK Saul, fair enough, but why keep the key in your office desk?" Saul grins and says, "Well, let's say it's a Friday night and I'm home from the office. We have a little dinner, and some wine, get cozy, and then the next thing you know, Miriam makes the suggestion. That's when I do my best look of dismay, and tell her, Oh my god, I forgot the key at the office".

On ‎8‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 9:09 PM, Alittle said:

Looks fundie! Ha ha 

Knew you would love them. LOL