It was just a simple misunderstanding, your honour. Testified the man charged with indecent exposure. "Explain that statement!" Demanded the judge. "Well you see, this girl and I were drinking in a bar and she asked me what I wanted most in a woman.... So I showed her." 

A little boy is attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you do is add it up, like the priest said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer." 

There was a cat by the lake and a sausage came floating by the cat put its paw in and wet its paw. Then a few minutes later a bigger sausage came floating by and the cat fell in. The moral of this story the bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy.

I was in the pub a few months ago when these 4 huge bastards started mouthing off. "Pretend we're the police" my mate said. I only got half way through the first verse of Roxanne before they kicked the shit out of us!

 

A fat lady (To a health expert) "What can I do that will reduce my fatness."

Heath expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time."

Fat lady: "At which particular time?"

Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."

John and David are both patients in a Mental hospital. One day John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK.

Doctor: We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad new is that, the patient Mr.John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet."

David: "Doctor, he didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry."

A beautiful young lady is about to undergo a minor operation. She's lay on a hospital trolley with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl outside, while she goes in to check everything is ready. A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations. When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says, "All these examinations are find and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?" The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders, "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."