Bambi the blonde celebrated her 40th birthday with a makeover. She went to the best plastic surgeon in town and got a boob job, a tummy tuck, butt implants, botox, collagen... the works. Ten weeks and thousands of dollars later, she was a new woman -- literally.

Her personal physician then performed her annual physical, noted the new "body work". When the exam was finished, he called her in. "Bambi, your overall health is good, but I want to discuss a problem that often affects women your age, osteoporosis.

Bambi looked puzzled, "Osteo -- what?"

"Bone loss. Many women start to experience it in their 40s."

Bambi giggled, blushed and said, "Oh, really, Doc. You've seen me naked. Trust me, with this body and this face. I get new bones quite often!"

A lady to Doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?"

Doctor: "Give him the opportunity to speak when he's awake."

 

A Boss hangs a poster in his office.

"I AM THE BOSS, DON'T YOU FORGET"

He returns from lunch and finds a note on his desk.

"Your wife called, she wants her poster back home."

 

Man outside phone booth: "Excuse me! You are holding the phone for 20 mins and haven't spoken a word!"

Man inside: "I'm talking to the wife."

On 6/25/2019 at 5:11 AM, Scotsman84 said:

Why? lol 

On 6/25/2019 at 12:11 AM, Scotsman84 said:

No one stand behind her incase she has to Pinch a Loaf.     🤣

A man gets caught cheating on a woman and they are having a heated argument while driving to her mother's house.

The woman gets so mad that she reaches over and cuts the man's dick off and throws it out the window.

The detached phallus hurls through the air and lands on the windshield of a car behind them, sliding off to the side of the windshield and leaving a red smear to the edge.

The car is driven by a dad with his 9-year-old daughter in the passenger seat.

The father, not wanting to expose his daughter to the horror of this reality, looks over at her with wide eyes and says "Wow! did you see the size of that bug!"

The daughter looks over at her dad with wide surprised eyes, and replies "That was a bug?" "It sure was" says the dad.

The daughter thinks about this for a while and says to her dad "Well, it sure had a big dick!"