Sketch

Life is like a Penis... Simple, Relaxed, And Hanging freely...
Its Women that make it Hard!

Hard choice as not the manliest bunch. Most if they were dating your daughter, your daughter would be the one dealing with any assholes.

A couple have just had sex.
The woman says, "If I got pregnant, what would we call the baby?"
The man takes off his condom, ties a knot in it, and flushes it down the toilet.
"Well, " he says.
"If he can get out of that, we'll call him Houdini."

Why Trick-or-Treating is Better than sex:
- You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
- If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
- The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
- You don't have to keep in touch with the person who gives you some.
- 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.
- If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
- It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning with pleasure.
- You can do the whole neighbourhood.

Charlie marries a virgin.
On their wedding night, he's on fire and wants some dirty fun so he gets naked, jumps into bed and immediately starts groping her.
"Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table."
So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?"
"Much better!" She replies with a smile.
"Ok, then," he says, "now will you pass the pussy."

A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we will show you."
The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.
One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first."
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey.
Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?"
"We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."

This is just like a football play - "Hail Mary"
The term became widespread after a December 28, 1975 NFLplayoff game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Minnesota Vikings, when Cowboys quarterback Roger Staubach (a Roman Catholic and fan of The Godfather Part II (1974), whose character Fredo had popularized the phrase) said about his game-winning touchdown pass to wide receiver Drew Pearson, "I closed my eyes and said a Hail Mary."[1]
The expression goes back at least to the 1930s, in which decade it was widely used publicly by two former members of Notre Dame's Four Horsemen, Elmer Layden and Jim Crowley. Originally meaning any sort of desperation play, a "Hail Mary" gradually came to denote a long, low-probability pass, typically of the "alley-oop" variety, attempted at the end of a half when a team is too far from the end zone to execute a more conventional play, implying that it would take divine intervention for the play to succeed. 
Go deep - way deep

Emily is the latest prostitute. Just shows can't judge a book by it's cover