Scotsman84

Hell Yeah.

Heart of Midlothian.

Upskirt.

Essentially.

Happy Thanksgiving To All Our American Members.

That's the way @Plank don't hold back. LOL

A Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. He spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning " I ", pointed to his knee meaning " need ", then moved his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The man on the 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, " What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a handsaw! " The other guy says, " I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming! "

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a women may go to choose a husband among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shop ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping centre to find a husband. On the first floor the sign reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, " That's great, but I wonder what's further up? " So up she goes. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The women remarks to herself, " That's great too, but I wonder what's further up? " And up she goes again. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. " Hmmm, better" she says. " But I wonder what's upstairs? " The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. " Wow! " exclaims the women, " Very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up! " And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking. help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. " Oh, mercy me! But just think.... What must be awaiting me further on? " So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. " There is a blind man to see you," she says. " Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in." The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and about 10 minutes later the man interrupts: " That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds."

Two croupiers are sitting bored at the roulette of the casino. Suddenly a very attractive blonde woman enters and bets £20,000 on a roll, saying: " I hope you do not mind, but I feel very lucky when I play naked." With that, she unbuttons the zipper, takes her dress and underwear off, throws the dice and yells: " Come on baby, mama needs new clothes! " She looks with agony and as soon as the dice stops, starts jumping up and down screaming: " YES, YES, YES I WON! " She embraces one to one of the dealers, taking her profits and clothes and disappears. The guys are looking dumbfounded and each other. Eventually, one asks: " Did you see what dice she rolled? " " I don't know, I thought you were watching! "

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, " I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two." Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, " I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."

Why doesn't he bang both of them, never leave anyone out.