Scotsman84

Newly married couple both nymphomaniacs, her husband comes downstairs in the morning and his wife asks what he'd like for breakfast. " Oh I think i'll have a shag please! So they go upstairs have a shag then he goes to work. Husband goes home for lunch, " What would you like for lunch dear?" " Oh I think i'll have a shag please! So again they shag and he returns to work. Half hour later he walks in the house and finds his wife sliding up and down the banister! " What are you doing?" he asks. " I'm warming up your dinner!! "

As I stepped out of the shower, I heard someone in my kitchen downstairs. Knowing that my wife was out, I grabbed my 1903 heirloom rifle which no longer works and crept downstairs, forgetting the fact I was still in my birthday suit. I came around the corner with the gun raised, only to find my wife loading the dishwasher. " What are you doing? " she asked. " I thought I heard an intruder. So I came down to scare him." Scanning the contours of his doughy, naked body, she mumbled, " You didn't need the gun."

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. " Ha! That's not going to help," she said. " Sure, it does he said. " It's the only way I can see the numbers."

Signs your child is too old for breastfeeding. He can open your blouse by himself. While sucking one breast, he caresses the other. He has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue. He keeps slipping money in your belt. He uses your milk as creamer for his coffee. Your birth control pills interfere with his acne medicine. After each feeding, he has a smoke. He frequently invites his friends over for dinner. Beard abrasions on your areola.

A tech company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants. A company spokesperson declared this is a major breakthrough, as woman are always complaining about men staring at their boobs without listening to them. A new study has revealed that women with big boobs are smarter than women with smaller boobs. Though to be fair, the guy who conducted the study admits he wasn't really listening.

Exactly.. If she gets those bad boys out no need to be looking anywhere else. LOL

Looting.

Yes. Do you have friends with benefits?

No, but working on it. LOL Have you ever had sex on a sports field?

Make out. Bowling or Putt-Putt?

Saturday. When did you last have sex outdoors?

Derailed.

Quintet.

Little Susie, a six year old, complained, " Mother, I've got a stomach ache." " That's because your stomach is empty," the mother replied." You would feel better if you had something in it." That afternoon, her father came home complaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up," That's because it's empty," she said." You'd feel better if you had something in it."

A young boy came home from school and told his mother, " I had a big fight with my classmate. He called my a sissy." The mother asked, " What did you do? " The both replied, " I hit him with my purse! "

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but they only have £500. The redhead tells the blonde, " I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for £499. Having one pound left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out it costs one pound per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word " comfortable ". Skeptical, the operator asks, " How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word? " The redhead replies, " She's a blonde so she reads slow: ' Come for ta bull."

Don't think some realise there is 22 Apartments... LOL

Some people in life have no standards and will fuck anything.. I'm shocked he has one never mind two willing to have him on top of them. If he is a " Manager" wouldn't be surprised if he has taken over from Eric, he seem to have brought a few on board but think Lard Ass and Zoi were obviously the reason Sally, Linda, Carrie whatever her name is got involved.... Who knows.

Never heard of either. Choose Blanton's bottle looks better.. LOL Manual or Automatic?

Laura Whitmore.

Nacho Libre.

Hell yeah first time I seen Rhona Mitra was in Ali G In Da House... Gorgeous and what a body.

Have seen it over the years and have seen others mention it, why some do certain things not long before they leave when they haven't done much when they have been part of the project. Personally I think they do it so they have a chance of coming back. I'm sure most will agree we will never understand the female species.

Adidas. Jack Daniels or Jim Beam?

No. Have you had sex at a festival?