Scotsman84

Aye agree seen her close up the other day while cleaning, definitely a bag over the head job. LOL

Wolf Creek.

Yes, but not my fault haha. Have you ever dropped your phone in a toilet?

White Chocolate. Beach wedding or Church Wedding?

Tighter.

Gentleman.

One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants. The teacher asked, " Johnny, what are you doing? " Then, Johnny said. " It hurts down there." " Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home ", said the teacher. A little while later, Johnny came back to class and sat back down. Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his dick hanging out his pants. The teacher said, " Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants? " Then Johnny said, " My mummy said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up."

Three friends decided to bet each other £100 on who could make their wives scream more from sex. They all go home to have sex with their wives and make them scream. The next day they meet up. The first friend says, " I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1 and a half hours." The second friend says, " That's nothing, I start licking my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming the whole time and half an hour after." The third friend says, " That's nothing, I made love to my wife for 10 minutes, I came a couple of times I wiped my cock on the curtains and she is still screaming."

This guy was walking down the street when he bumped into a really hot girl. " Hello sexy! " He said while stopping in front of her, " What's your name? " She didn't answer. " Well my name is Barry! " " Okay" she said, " Barry what?" " I can't pronounce it, so i'll write it down." So he wrote it down. She read out allowed, " Madickenewe. Barry Madickenewe." She slapped him and stormed off.

A man working with an electric saw accidentally cuts off all of his fingers. At the emergency room, his doctor says, " Give me the fingers, and i'll see what I can do." The injured man replies, " But I don't have the fingers! " " Why didn't you bring them? " the doctor asks. The injured man responds, " Doc, I couldn't pick them up."

Little Johnny asks his father for a £200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father says, " We have an £80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won't be a £200 bike this year." Two days later, Little Johnny walks out the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him why he is leaving. Johnny says, " Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell mum you were pulling out, and mummy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and i'll be damned if i'll get stuck with an £80,000 mortgage! "

MotoGP. But both are like watching Julia & Eric. Drown or Burn to Death?

Pizza.

Obey.

No. Have you had a Danger Wank?

Torture.

Lambretta.

" Hello, is this the FBI? " " Yes, how can we help you sir? " I'm calling to report my neighbour Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." " Thank you very much for the call sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open ever piece of wood, but can't find any marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. Hey, Billy Bob did the FBI come? " said his best friend. " Yeah! " " Did they chop your firewood?" His best friend replied " Yep." " Happy Birthday, Buddy! ", his friend replied.

You will have a better laugh here, some of us know how to have a laugh and banter. Try visiting the Chatbox at different times if possible to see if you will enjoy it or not. Either way enjoy.

Bubba died in a house fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together. Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, " Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, " Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, " Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, " No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, " How can you tell? " Gomer said, " Well, Bubba had two assholes." " What? He had two assholes??" said the mortician. " Yup!, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town together, folks would say, ' Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."

A man goes to an assassin because his wife is sleeping with his best friend. The assassin tells him, " It's going to cost you £1000 a bullet." The man says, " What if you miss? " The assassin replies, " I don't miss." With this they head off to the motel where his wife is with his friend. The man says, " I want my wife shot in the head and I want you to blow my friends dick off." The assassin takes aim and waits a few minutes, " Aren't you going to shoot? " The assassin replies, " Hold up, I think I can save you £1000."

A man walks into his doctor's office. His doctor tells him, " Your wife's results came back positive. I can't remember if it was AIDS or Alzheimer's though." The man replies, " That's not very helpful. Can you just test her again? " The doctor replies, " How about you leave her in the middle of a forest and if she finds her way home don't fuck her."

A female cop pulls over an old man and his wife. She asks the man for his license and registration. He asks his wife, " What did she say? " His wife replies, " She asked for your license and registration dear. " He hands the officer what she asked for. The police woman then says, " Oh you're from New York? I used to have a lover from New York. But he was a terrible lover." The man asks his wife, " What did she say? " His wife replies, " She thinks she used to know you."

Two girls, one blonde and one brunette, are walking down the street and they see an attractive guy. They strike up a conversation with him and notice he has dandruff. After they part ways the brunette tells the blonde, " We should give him Head & Shoulders." The blonde replies, " How do you give shoulders? "

A man walks up to a house and knocks on the door. A woman answers the door and the man shouts, " Do you have a vagina? " The woman slams the door in his face. He knocks again and asks the same question, this time she replies, " Go away! " This continues for hours. The woman tells her husband about this and he decides to stay home the next day. Sure enough they see the man coming to the door. The husband hides and his wife answers the door. The man yells, " Do you have a vagina? " The woman answers Yes. Then the man tells her, " Does your husband know that? Maybe if he did he would stop using my wife's. "