Scotsman84

A man goes to Japan on business and hires a prostitute for the night. He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, " Gama Su! Gama Su! ", Knowing she has been satisfied he does to bed. The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, " Gama Su! Gama Su! " Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, " What do you mean wrong hole? "

A blonde, a brunette, and a red headed mother are talking about their daughters. The brunette tells them, " I found cigarettes in my daughter's room, I can't believe she smokes! " The red head said, " I know, I found some beer in my daughter's room, I couldn't believe it! " The blonde says, " That's nothing! I found condoms in my daughter's room. I never knew she had a penis! "

A man goes to church and tells the priest, " Father, I almost cheated on my wife." The priest asks him, " How do you almost cheat on your wife?" The man says, " Well, me and the woman were naked but we just rubbed against each other." The priest looks at him disgusted and says, " Rubbing is the same as putting it in. Never do it again, say 5 Hail Mary's and put £100 in the donation pan." The next time the priest sees the man he is infuriated, " You didn't put £100 in the pan! " The man looks at the priest disgusted and says, " I rubbed the money against the pan, and rubbing is the same as putting it in."

How the fuck does that place have so many members, it's filled with assholes.. And typical because you are a " Newbie " think you don't know what you are talking about. @StnCld316 Ban me if you want mate it's full of Bellends. LOL

See the theories haven't changed reading through the chat. LOL

Lay down and watched the stars. ( August ) When did you last go to a sports game?

Yes. Have you ever been pleasured at the cinema?

Hard one. Morning, best way to start your day Love or Money?

Yes. Last night. Any sex this weekend? ( Or are you like some of the tenants and forgot what it is ) LOL

Platoon.

Outta Time.

Think Lukaku will win it.

Elaine Dickinson: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your stewardess speaking.. we regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused, this is due to periodic air pockets we encountered, there's no reason to be alarmed, and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight.... By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane? Captain Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before? Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before. Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked? Airplane!

There is a man that has three girlfriends, but doesn't know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one £5000 and see how each one of them spends it. The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, " I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you." The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man, " I bought these for you with the money because I love you so much." The third one takes the £5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the £5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, " I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.

One day at the care home, an old man and woman are talking. Out of nowhere the woman says," I can guess your age." The man doesn't believe her, but tells her to go ahead and try. " Pull down your pants," she says. He doesn't understand but does it anyway. She inspects his rear end for a few minutes and then says, " You're 84 years old." " That's amazing," the man says. " How did you know? " " We celebrated your birthday yesterday."

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband walking around with a fly swatter. " What are you doing? " she asked. " Hunting flies, " He responded. " Oh, killing any? " she asked. " Yep, three males, two females. " he replied. Intrigued, she asked, how can you tell? He responded, " Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

Q: Did you know that O.J. Simpson, Monica Lewinsky, Ted Kennedy and President Bill Clinton are all avid golfers? A: O.J's a slicer, Monica's a hooker, Ted can't drive over water and Clinton can't seem to hit the right hole!

Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger? She just couldn't take it any longer. Why did the semen cross the road? Because you wore the wrong socks today. What's the different between a clitoris and a cell phone? Nothing! Every cunt's got one. What do you do when your cat's dead? Play with the neighbour's pussy instead.

How is a woman like a road? They both have manholes. What's better than a cold bud? A warm bush. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off. How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly? If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can't look down.

I'm sure Mira wouldn't mind she doesn't seem shy or picky when it comes to cock. LOL

Judge Dredd.

No. But on the list LOL Have you had an orgy?

If you could ask a tenant a question what would it be? Linda: Why don't you masturbate more?

Last night. When did you last have sex outdoors?

My wife and I really love bondage. She loves it because she is a kinky bitch. I love it because I get to gag her for a couple of hours. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life....