Scotsman84

My wife and I really love bondage. She loves it because she is a kinky bitch. I love it because I get to gag her for a couple of hours. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life....

One day mum was cleaning junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about it? " Dad looked at her and said, " Well I don't think you should spank him."

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives. Sue says, " It's ok. We get it on every other week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?" Sally replies, " It's just great, ever since we got into S&M." Sue is shocked. " Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that." " Oh, sure," says Sally, " He snores while I masturbate."

Ladder.

Pregnant.

Donkey Punch.

Cannonball Run II

Bully. ( 2001 )

Yes. Have you ever used anal beads?

Violet enjoying some anal fun. Good Girl

Goodbye My Love.

Have to agree with most. Not into Katie and Lena and Clara is just a cheating slag. Still more happening on a weekly basis than RLC. LOL Not hard tho.

See how many words can make from Real Life Cam. Female.

One day Little Timmy caught his mum and dad having sex. Little Timmy asks his dad, " Can I join you? " His dad asks, " Can your dick touch your ass? " Timmy replies, " No." " Then no," Dad replies. Later on he catches his dad looking at porn. Timmy asks, " Can I look with you Daddy? " His dad asks again, " Can your dick touch your ass? " " No." " Then no." Later that night Little Timmy is eating cookies. His dad walks into the kitchen and asks, " Can I have a cookie? " Timmy asks, " Can your dick touch your ass? " His dad replies, " Yes." " Then go fuck yourself these cookies are mine! "

Nice Smile. Heaven or Hell?

What is the difference between girls/women aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78? At 8: You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18: You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28: You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38: She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48: She tells you a story to avoid going to bed. At 58: You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68: If you take her to bed, that'll be a story! At 78: What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell.... She's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

A man bursts into his house and yells, " Pack your bags, honey, I just won the lottery! " She says, " Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains? " He replies, " I don't care.... Just get the hell out! "

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriends kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace. A box of condoms, please. That'll be £3.99. Do you want a bag? Nah I'm ok. She's actually quite pretty.

A man pulls up his car at a red light next to a woman in her car. He opens his windows and glances at the woman. The woman also opens the window and looks at him questioningly. The man smiles and says: " Ah, you too? Gas is a bitch, isn't it."

Childhood is when you go to the toilet in the night and then you run back and jump in your bed, glad that the monster under the bed didn't get you. Adulthood is when the monster lies in the bed next to you. At a medical check-up: Do you do dangerous sports? Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.

Jason Voorhees.

Imhotep.

Yes. Bed. Have you ever been dogging or to a dogging site?

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception. His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty? " Simple," grins the millionaire, " I faked my age. " His friends are really amazed and ask him how old he said. " Well", he replied. " I said I was 87! "