Scotsman84

Messi is out at a bar, and flirting with a good looking woman. She invites him over to her house, and she goes into the bathroom, telling Messi to get comfortable. She comes back and finds Messi laying in bed with 2 naked men. She exclaims, " What the hell is going on?! " to which Messi sheepishly replies. " I'm sorry! I can't perform without Iniesta or Suarez! "

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since he bought it when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realised that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. There after he quickly realised that he couldn't separate himself from the instrument. He read the manual but didn't find a way out. He tried every button on the instrument, but still nothing seem to work. Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line. " Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder? " " Don't worry, " replied the customer service " The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons! "

Wanker.

Answer then add your own. Your finger fits right in it. You can play with it when you're bored. Once you're married, you're stuck with the same one forever. What is it?

Was fun ladies enjoy.. Catch you another time.

No. Always get my way. Haha Would you or have you done a sex tape?

Yes. America, Australia. Have you used fruit or veg to pleasure yourself?

Yes. Sea and Lake. Have you masturbated watching others?

Aye does seem full of himself for having an ugly mug. Another one punching well above his weight. Must have a big cock.. LOL

No. Work on building sites and mostly men. Have you tried watersports?

Jaguar XJ13

Innocenti Spider

Marilyn Monroe. Not much talking I'm afraid.

Boring As Fuck.

Naughty girl ;). Yes. 8 countries I can remember. Have you had threesome/foursome? Bonus- What was it?

Yeah think we should get a few of us together and find one haha.. Get some cameras as well.

1 Layla. 2 Violet. 3 Bree. 4 Mira. 5 Anna.

Buster Cherry Craven Moorehead Doug McCockin Hugh G. Rection

Tosser.

A woman called an airline customer-service asking if she could take her dog on board. " Sure, " they said, " as long as you provide your own kennel. " They further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over. The customer was flummoxed: " I'll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow! "

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, " I am Stephen King, the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me and I can't afford to die. " So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The second passenger, Barack Hussein Obama, said, " I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die. " So he took the 2nd pack and jumped out the plane. The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old school boy, " My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute. " The little boy said. " That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my school bag. "

An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal-Mart, shouting angry at the kids for no reason. The man at reception says cheerfully to her: " Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins? " The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, " Hell, they're not twins... The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid? " " No madam... I'm neither blind nor stupid.. I just can't get that there's a man out there who had sex with you twice. "

I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths. " I'm sorry, I can't, " she said. " I already cut it in half. "

Bang on, You can't take it with you.

Dodge Viper