Paddy says to Mick, " I hear that girl who played Pussy Galore in the Bond Films has split her fanny open!" Mick replies, "Honor Blackman?" "Paddy says, "No on a dildo!"
A father is sitting watching Star Wars with his two young sons. During an exciting scene, the kids are jumping around and they say to their father, "Daddy! Daddy! we wish we were shot into space!" The father replies, "You would have been if I had not been so pissed."
What do Kermit the Frog and Craig Meehan have in common? They both enjoy fucking pigs.