A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 am.

The wife picks up the phone and, after a few seconds, replies, "How am I supposed to know? we're 200 miles inland!" and hangs up.

Her husband rolls over and asks, "Sweetheart, who was that?"

I don't know, some dumb bitch asking if the coast is clear."

An 80 year old man tells his wife, "I'm going to the doctor to get me some of those new Viagra pills."

His wife gets her coat on and says, I'm going to the doctor too. If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm getting a tetanus shot."

15 hours ago, StnCld316 said:

Mmmmmm yummmmy

A neighbour comes to Mr Myler and says, "Your dog bit my mother in law!"

Mr Myler is horrified and apologizes, adding sadly, "You'll probably be wanting financial recompense, won't you?"

"Absolutely not!" smiles the neighbour, "I'd love to buy the dog!"

The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills.  The driver wasn't  too sure how to get there, so he told the couple he would need directions when they got closer to their destination.

Meanwhile, the lovers couldn't wait to get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat. During the couple's moment of passion, the cabdriver noticed a fork in the road, and said, "I take the next turn, right?"

"Screw NO, get your own woman," said the groom, "this one's all mine!"

You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion.

What do you do?

Get your drunk ass off a carousel!.

Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Lets play gynecologist.

A guy is talking to his friend about the fact that he can't get into sex with his wife anymore. The friend has an unusual suggestion.

"When they try to get a Bull interested in mating, they get it to sniff the privates of the cow so the scent will get it aroused, and bingo!"

"Should i try that?" he says. The friend tell him to do it.

So he goes home, gets into bed and puts his hand around the front of his wife, has a good feel in her pants and wipes above his lips. Suddenly there's lift off!

He excitedly wakes he up and says "Hey, look at me!"

His wife frowns and says "Why wake me up to show me you have a nose bleed?"

LOL.