If you are going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.

I love what you have done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?

If I wanted a bitch, I'd have bought a dog.

Scientists say the universe Is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.

Save your breath - you'll need it to blow up your date.

Man who sits on Toilet,  Gets High on Pot.

Some babies were dropped on their heads, but you were clearly thrown at a wall.

Being a dick won't make yours any bigger.

If you ran like your mouth, you'd be in good shape.

Hey your village called they want you back by 6! 

Sorry, I can't put small objects in my mouth or I'll choke. 

Have you been shopping lately? They're selling lives at the mall, you should get one. 

You make guys on Jackass look like Einstein. 

"The smartest thing that ever came out your mouth was a penis"

"Nice outfit. Go stand on the street corner, you could make some money"