Scotsman84 Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 Create an account to see this content! Wazzer, StnCld316 and WhySoSerious? 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotsman84 Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 Create an account to see this content! StnCld316, Zander and WhySoSerious? 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhySoSerious? Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 5 hours ago, Scotsman84 said: Create an account to see this content! Useless fat bastdard doesn't even bring you what you asked for lol. Scotsman84 and StnCld316 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
box_hunter Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 "That wife of mine is a liar!" said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley". "So?" the friend replied. "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!" WhySoSerious?, Wazzer, delta10 and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wazzer Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make the perfect shot." "Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here." WhySoSerious?, Zander, Scotsman84 and 4 others 6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wazzer Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 A woman and a baby are in the doctors surgery, the doc is concerned about the babys weight, "Is he bottle or breast fed?" The woman replies, "Breast fed." The doc gets her to strip down to her waist so he can examine her breasts. He pinches her nipples and sucks and rubs both her breasts for a while.... "No wonder the baby is underweight, you have no milk." Woman replies, "I know, I'm his granny.... but I'm glad I came!" Scorpio 22, WhySoSerious?, Scotsman84 and 4 others 5 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StnCld316 Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 Scotsman84, delta10, WhySoSerious? and 1 other 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StnCld316 Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 As Blonde as One Could be. It's a Tesla. Scorpio 22, Zander, Flume and 6 others 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
box_hunter Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger". The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know" said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "Okay" she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says "Hmmm, I have no idea". To which the little girl replies "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know crap?" And then she went back to reading her book. Zander, delta10, RUBBERMAN and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pleasant Posted December 18, 2018 Author Share Posted December 18, 2018 The wife is always exaggerating. I've told her a million times to stop it. Wazzer and Flume 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pleasant Posted December 18, 2018 Author Share Posted December 18, 2018 The wife never moans during sex, so last night i asked her, and she said ok. She looked up and said "When are you ever going to paint this ceiling?" Scotsman84, Scorpio 22, delta10 and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flume Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 Once upon a time a married couple had twin sons. They were very poor and could not afford to keep them. They put the twins up for adoption. One of the boys went to a Spanish family and was named Juan. The other twin was placed to an Egyptian family and was named Amal. Some years later, Juan became curious about his birth parents. After researching and finally locating them, he sent them a nice letter and picture of himself. Upon receiving the picture, the birth mother said, "I'm so glad that he's happy. And what a wonderful picture! I wish I had a picture of Amal. I would love to know what he looks like." Her husband turned to her and said, "I wouldn't worry about it dear, when you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." Scotsman84, Danny, Wazzer and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flume Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 Skin Graft Does anyone know if its possible to take a skin graft from your buttocks and put it on somebody who isn't family? Arse skin for a friend. Ikea Taxes IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years... But they're having a really hard time putting their case together. RUBBERMAN, WhySoSerious?, Scotsman84 and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
box_hunter Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 I went to the bottlo Monday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Jim Beam and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Jim Beam before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home. delta10, RUBBERMAN, Scotsman84 and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
box_hunter Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willie. The curator of the gallery realised that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact" he pointed out "some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society". After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it" he replied. "In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch". RUBBERMAN, Danny, delta10 and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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