Scotsman84

Computer games don't affect kids. If Pacman would have affected us as children, we would now run around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music.

A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. Little Johnny replied: " They couldn't get a baby sitter. "

Big Foot.. Lol

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

What is the difference between @toolmaker123 and Bigfoot? One is covered in matted hair and smells awful. The other has big feet.

What's the difference between an optimist and a pessimist? An optimist created the airplane: a pessimist created the seat belts.

A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report: Most honourable sir, You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she, she kiss he. He strip she, she strip he. He play with she, she play with he. I play with me, I fall out tree. I not see. No Fee, Chen Lee.

A man asks his wife: " Tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time. " His wife replies: " You have bigger willy than your brother! "

What do hurricanes and women have in common? When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

At a session with a marriage counsellor, the wife snapped at her husband: " That's not true! I do enjoy sex! " Then, turning to the counsellor, she explained: " But this animal expects it four or five times a year! "

10% of the woman had sex within the first hour of their first date. 20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place. 36% of the woman favour nudity. 45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes. 46% of the women experienced anal sex. 70% of the women prefer sex in the morning. 80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations. 90% of the women would like to have sex in the woods. 90% of the women have never experience sex in the office. Conclusion: Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange women in the woods than to have sex in the office at the end of the day. Moral: Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!

Johnny asks his Grandpa. " Do you still have sex with Granny? " Grandpa says: " Yes, but only oral. " Johnny asks: " What is oral? " Grandpa says: " I say fuck you, she says fuck you, too. "

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from her bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. " What's up? " she asks. " I'm having a heart attack, " cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four year old son comes up and says " Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she has no clothes on! " The blond slams the phone down and storms into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor. " You rotten Bitch ", she screams. " My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids! "

A man was going door-to-door doing a sexual survey in Jeff's neighbourhood. " How often do you have sex with your wife? " asked the inquirer. " Three times, " Jeff said without hesitation. " That is once more often than your neighbour, " the inquirer said, writing. " That makes sense, " Jeff said, " after all, she's my wife. "

Pete and Mary were walking home from the pub when Mary says " I need a piss " and goes behind a bush and drops her knickers. Feeling horny, Pete puts his hand through the bush and feels something dangling between Mary's legs. He says " Have you changed sex? " Mary says " No, I changed my mind, I am having a shit! "

What's the difference between your Wife and your Job? After Five years your Job will still Suck.

If your Dog is barking at the back door and your Wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

So Nora Gone.. She will be back I'm sure.. Feel Little sorry for Kiko has to put up with her bossy Ass again.. Lol

Nobody likes a sore loser. Lol

It's a hard choice.. Any Ideas? Lol

What could possibly be more important.. Lol