Scotsman84

Anna and her boyfriend walk into Annas house and Anna said to her mom, " Mom, me and my boyfriend are going up to my room " and her mom say, " Ok honey, you kids have fun. " When they are up their the mom hears. " Baby baby baby oh! " The mom walks to the door and asks, " What the hell is going on?" Anna says, " Mom were just having sex. " and her mom says, " Oh thank god I thought you guys were listening to Justin Bieber. "

Was Barry White? Was Clint Black? Was George Straight? Was Marvin Gay? Sure made Stevie Wonder....

Teacher: Can anyone name three Kings that brought happiness and peace to the earth? Student: Drin-King, Smo-King, and Fuc-King!

She does seem weird.. But 4 girls in a 3 bed Apartment never going to work... Didn't work day 1 and won't work Now..

Eileen Rose

During sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She was like, " What are you doing? " And I said, " Hush ", I saw this on PornHub, it's called Buffering: "

Teacher: Why is there a Cat in here? Kid: Because I heard my Daddy say to my Mummy, I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids are at school, so I'm saving him.

Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business and one of the hookers said, " Yep, it's going to be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, " No, no. I just burped. "

Q: Why should you never tell a Pig a Secret? A: Because they like to Squeal!

Q: How do you take a Sick Pig to hospital? A: In an Hambulance!

They Get their arses wiped enough already without doing anymore for them.. God help them when they have to get in the Real World.. As Long as People Keep paying they won't Give a Fuck.

A bear walks into a bar and says, " I'd like a beer............ and some peanuts. " The bartender says, " Sure, but why the big paws? "

Lia and Mia..

The teacher asked Little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence. Little Johnny replies: " Teacher, do farts have lumps in them? " The Teacher says: " Of course not Johnny. " To which Johnny replies: " Then I have definitely Shit my pants. "

A husband says to wife: " My Olympic condoms have arrived. Think I will wear gold tonight. " The wife says: " Why don't you wear silver and cum fucking second for a change? "

A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with £2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer. The husband said " I'm sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the past 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer." The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said " I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the £2000 in the drawer. The husband replied " Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.

Computer games don't affect kids. If Pacman would have affected us as children, we would now run around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music.

A Sunday school teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. Little Johnny replied: " They couldn't get a baby sitter. "

Big Foot.. Lol

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

What is the difference between @toolmaker123 and Bigfoot? One is covered in matted hair and smells awful. The other has big feet.

What's the difference between an optimist and a pessimist? An optimist created the airplane: a pessimist created the seat belts.

A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report: Most honourable sir, You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she, she kiss he. He strip she, she strip he. He play with she, she play with he. I play with me, I fall out tree. I not see. No Fee, Chen Lee.

A man asks his wife: " Tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time. " His wife replies: " You have bigger willy than your brother! "

What do hurricanes and women have in common? When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.