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One - Liner.


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My Wife and I were Happy for 20 years. Then we met.

Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

My Girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. So I got drunk.

I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, but I already have one.



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Is Your Ass jealous of the amount of shit that comes out your mouth?

I'd like to see things from your point of view but can't seem to get my head that far up my Ass.

If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

Your Family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a Prick.

The only way you'll get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

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If I ever need a heart transplant, I'd use my ex's. It' s never been used.

I hate people that use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.

How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

What's the definition of eternity? The length of time between when YOU come and SHE leaves.

What's the ultimate in rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

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Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people.

You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your stupidity.

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Never get on one knee for a girl who won't get on two for you.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I have the body of a 25 year old supermodel, but it takes up too much space in my freezer.

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