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need a laugh when rlc is dead #2


Pleasant

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A gay guy, Yashay goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.

The doctor comes back and says,
' Yashay , I'm not going to beat around the bush.
You have AIDS.'

Yashay is devastated.. 'Doc, what can I do?

Eat 3 hot chilli sausage from Nagiah's,
1 head of Cabbage,
20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce,
10 Jalapeno Peppers,
40 walnuts and 40 peanuts,
1/2 box Of All Bran,
And top it off with a litre of prune juice..'

Yashay asks, ' Will that cure me, Doc?'

Doc says,
No,but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ARSE is
for!

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 Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the
 
Night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll
 
Not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'.. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll
 
Be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.. He
 
Falls flat on his face. 'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the
 
Stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls

Flat on his face,
  
 
'Shoite,
  
 
Shoite !'
 
  
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to
 
The door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door
 
And shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes
 
A deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto
 
The sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
 
  
 
'Bi'Jesus.... I'm fockin' focked,' he says.
 
 

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door,
 
Hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.. He
 
Takes a look up the stairs and says 'No fockin' way'. He crawls up the
 
Stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'. He takes
 
A step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says 'Fock it' and
 
Falls into bed.

 
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of
 
Coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last
 
Night ?'
  

Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?'
  
 
'Mick phoned . . . You left your wheelchair at the pub.
'

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At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets Tiger Woods and mentions that he too is an excellent golfer. Tiger is sceptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he is too polite to say anything.

"When I tee off," the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim." Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests they play a round.

When Tiger agrees, Stevie asks, "How about if we play for $10,000 a hole?" Tiger insists he couldn't possibly play him for money because of his sight handicap.

But Stevie argues and badgers Tiger until Tiger finally relents.

Stevie says, "You pick the place and I will pick the time.

Tiger says, "Fine. Pebble Beach"

Stevie replies, "Midnight!"

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For his birthday Little Matt asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this 
House is £680 000.00 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way
We can afford it."
 

The next day the father saw Little Matt heading out the front door
With a suitcase.  So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" 
 

Little Matt told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I
Heard you tell mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you
To wait because she was coming too.  And I'll be  damned if I'm 
staying here by myself with a £680 000.00 mortgage and no...F**king Bike!" 

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