Vaz

A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for? Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock it has never moved because she has never lied". "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice". Where is Donald Trump's?" Asks the man. Jesus answers, "It's in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan". 

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.
 
Why did dinosaurs have sex under water?
You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!
 
Why did the gay man think his lover was cheating on him?
He came home shit faced.
 
Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
 
Why don't little girls fart?
Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
 

Two blondes find a mirror on the sidewalk. The first blonde picks it up, looks into it and says, "Hey, I know this person! I've seen her somewhere before." The second blonde takes the mirror, looks into it and says, "Duh! Of course you have that's me!" 

One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to one of those annoying, pushy businessmen. He asks her if she would like to play a game. She politely declines, but the man explains the game to her anyway. He says, "It goes like this: I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong you give me $5, and vice-versa." She says no again, and tries to fall asleep. The man tries harder, saying, "Aw, come on. I'll give you $50 for each question. Or how about $500?" At that number, the blonde agrees. The businessman explains again, "If you get my question wrong you give me $5. And when you ask the question, and I get it wrong, I will pay you $500. "Got it," she replies. 
He asks, "Who was the sixth president?" She admits she doesn't know and gives him $5. Now it's her turn, and she asks, "What has purple legs, five arms and only two yellow teeth?" The businessman doesn't know - he uses his laptop, checks the internet, e-mails his friends. No-one knows the answer. So he gives her $500. Then, as they are landing he asks her, "What was that thing anyway?". She thinks a few minutes, hands him $5 and walks off the plane. 

Someone been a bad boy/girl and been deleting members messages lol. Good option I think, saves looking through line after line of complete nonsense. 

Someone been a bad boy/girl and been deleting members messages lol. Good option I think, saves looking through line after line of complete nonsense. 

A couple are trying for a baby. Finally, the blonde tells her husband, "Honey, I have great news! We're pregnant, and we're having twins!" The husband is overjoyed and says to his wife, "That's wonderful, but how do you know so soon that we're having twins?" "She nods her head and says, "Well, I bought the twin pack pregnancy test and they both came out positive!" 

Someone been a bad boy/girl and been deleting members messages lol. Good option I think, saves looking through line after line of complete nonsense. 

Someone been a bad boy/girl and been deleting members messages lol. Good option I think, saves looking through line after line of complete nonsense. 

Someone been a bad boy/girl and been deleting members messages lol. Good option I think, saves looking through line after line of complete nonsense. 

Someone been a bad boy/girl and been deleting members messages lol. Good option I think, saves looking through line after line of complete nonsense. 

"OUCH!!!"  I guess she can can cancel that dental appointment now. LOL

Actually, I wouldn't mind helping her out of the wet t-shirt and shorts to help dry her off and more. Hey, relax, I am an admitted pervert ffs - lol.

Personally think he got off lightly. Lol 

Site is a complete joke and needs shut down so they can figure out wtf they are doing. If people want to waste their time and money that's their choice, but you're just helping them waste more time and money. 

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested she move to economy since she didn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak to her. He went to speak to her to please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving."
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."
He made his way to the first class section and whispered in the blondes ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and co-pilot asked what he said to her. The captain replied. "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."